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Metal’s Not The Problem. If You’re a Parent…It’s YOU




I remember that parents were freaking out when Decline of Western Civilization, Part II-The Metal Years was released in 1988, because this was back when metal was blamed for everything in the American media, from suicide to juvenile delinquency.

Lo and behold, a recent study was published that debunked that propaganda:

A second article reiterates the point that kids like myself were actually the brightest in the class:


Hey, I’ve been listening to heavy metal since 1981 and I’ve been a heavy metal musician since 1984-and I haven’t eaten anyone.

Hence, I just tell these parents to get off their kids’ back whenever they whine about Avenged Sevenfold or Marilyn Manson; that they have no idea what they’re talking about-and then I relate to my own experiences with metal-without which I would not be here today to make the point.  I also tell the parents to get their priorities straight; that their kids wouldn’t have the emotional problems that they do if they (the parents) spent more POSITIVE time with them.

American parents spend the least amount of time with their children in the West and parents blame the media for THEIR LAZINESS.

Hey, it’s called telecommuting, okay?  They should try it sometime.

American conservatives waste so much time attacking music that the Russians could get the nuclear codes out of Donald Trump’s coat pocket and board the plane before any of our wonderful Republican “lawmakers” know what’s going on .


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Trying To Find Someone To Love While Living With Traumatic Brain Injury










There are times when I want to be a prick and there are times when I don’t want to be a prick.

I’ll kill anyone in the political world with just my brain and my fingertips-and I express no remorse when doing so.  Actually, I enjoy it.

I like driving heartless conservatives straight into hypocritical mode because they’re not bright enough to figure out that they are exposing themselves for what (not who) they really are-especially in the age of the Trump regime, a time when disabled children laughed at and the children of the undocumented are punished for what their parents did twenty years ago.

Like I care who crosses into our border anyway!  Hell!  Not only did we steal this country from the Indians, but we stole half of it from Mexico, as well.  So, you won’t get me fitted for any of your brown shirts and red armbands.  Uh-uh, not going to happen.

And of course, it’s really fun when they throw the Bible in everyone’s face while they try to repeal Obamacare so that the insurance companies can literally make a bigger killing than they did before the imperfect system was signed into law.

However, when looking for someone to reciprocate the love I have for her, it’s worse than spending eternity in Hell.  Actually, I’d rather go to Hell-the music’s better over there.

For one thing, I don’t want a woman my age.  I want to father a child and I don’t really want someone who isn’t in the mood to have a seed planted in her at the age of 42, because I know that her kids are probably already grown.  Not only that, I really am not interested in sharing my time with her kids.

I don’t care that her grandchild has taken its first steps while she’s giving me oral.  That’s not fair to me because I wanted to get married at eighteen.  I’ll unplug that phone.

Second, I didn’t get to go on those trips that younger people do on the weekend.  I couldn’t leave on Friday nights to go to Las Vegas with my friends because I was stuck with Tommy, as his dad simply didn’t want to come home on Friday night.  He stayed out as long as he possibly could.

One Friday night, he didn’t come home at all and didn’t show up until Saturday morning.  You see, he “forgot” to call my relief.

That’s how narcissistic he was.

Now all my friends have kids of their own, so that experience has been stolen from me-and I’ll never forgive God for that.

Second, unless I get rich, it’s hard to find some nice young girl who would love a jackball like me.  Most American women are all about the money, and God help you if you get hurt at work.

They stop loving you because you can’t bring home the check anymore to fuel their shopping habit.  Oh, and I do have a backup plan if she’s really in it for the money-cancel the insurance and jump off the table.

“Hey, waitress!”

Now, the reason why I want someone so much younger than myself is because the experiences would be as new for her as they would be for me.  We all know that women who go with men to an exotic place think of someone else who had sex with them on that same beach.  They never admit to that, but we know that’s true-because we hear another name being whispered.

Just for the sake of jumping off of a 10-story building and landing on a cactus, let’s suppose that there is a nice young woman trying to find me.

Would she be able to handle my frustration and understand that I’m not going after her when my frontal lobes go out and I pound my desk out of frustration because the computer is acting up-again?

Would she believe that I don’t mean to yell?

Would she believe that my short-term memory is for crap and that it’s usually hard for me to say what I feel because my Broca’s Area is damaged?

That’s a gamble.

I’m sure there are foreign women who know that, but feminism teaches that all men are lying scumbags.  A good man simply doesn’t stand a chance, so he has to risk his health by being an asshole around the clock.

Women admit that they view nice guys are weak, but there is propaganda out there which tells women that nice guys are actually dangerous.

Here’s another one!  Heben Nigatu wrote this lie entitled 13 Reasons Why Nice Guys Are The Worst.

So, guys like me lose either way; we might as well be assholes.

Now, add traumatic brain injury into this mix, and guys like me are better off dead.

I’ve pretty much given up on Americans.  All they do is steal and cheat.  The funny part comes when they ask if you’re gay because you’re not married, so we can’t win.

Guys, we should get foreign girls and be husbands from the 1950s.  It’s probably going to be our only hope.



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Romance and Traumatic Brain Injury



People (especially men) who have traumatic brain injury often have a difficult time in the dating world.

We don’t recognize social cues at times and anything nonverbal is a real pain in the ass.  This is especially true when you are dealing with the Internet.

One problem that people like myself have is the sense of timing, and that’s because the hippocampus has been damaged.  The hippocampus serves as a clock, so for most of us, it’s hard to know when to do what-and most of the time we miss completely.  We never mean to smother, but it happens.  This is because some of us made the opposite mistake in the past in waiting too long.

Some of us don’t even realize that someone is flirting with us-and I’m fucking serious about that.  It’s not that we’re stupid.  Our hippocampus has been affected.

Research from Columbia Medical Research Center show that a small part of the hippocampus, know as CA-2 is critical for retaining social recall.  CA-3 helps us remember a memory from partial cues.

I’m officially fucked here.  I’m so fucked right here that I look like a pornstar after a gangbang filmed by Vivid.

The hormone, Vasopressin, is linked to sexual motivation, bonding, and other like functions.

You can read the rest of the information from Psych Central here:

This is something that I have had to learn the hard way, and now I have to learn how to properly maintain a steady pace.

As broken as I am in the chest, I have to admit that maybe this is what needed to happen.

What happens when you find the problem?  You learn how to find the solution.

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And So, It Begins….




And so, it begins, my journey into the world of Education… all as I hear Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall playing in my brain.

You already know that I’m conflicted about this, as I kind of see this as selling out.  However, I need a job which has union support-especially after what I went through both at Walmart and as a community trainer and respite worker for someone with autism.

One of the things I already realize is that I can’t do things the same way I did when I was a community trainer.   I can’t open the trunk of my car and show some bigot or bully that I’m not bluffing when I threaten to take his teeth out, break his knees, and bash his spine when he makes fun of someone who has a developmental disability-which was something no one in the Company ever knew that I did, otherwise I’d have been fired.  That’s kind of funny, because I found myself engaging in that very act almost every day that I went to work with the guy.

There were always some idiots, usually white trash or white suburbanite pricks, who told me that he needed to be put away in an institution.  Tommy is the only reason I didn’t do it, as he would usually take me out of the situation before the bastard who said what he said wound up twitching on the floor in a pool of his own blood-Tommy knew that I would do it, too.  He started out completely non-verbal, but he learned how to plead me to leave by saying the word go.

I suppose one of the funnier episodes is when this white woman clutched her daughter and pulled her closer (because Tommy was black).  She became verbally abusive after I informed her that the white sheets were in Aisle-5.

Of course I said that right in front of her daughter!  Would you expect any less of me?  I mean, come on!

I defended him every day by destroying anyone who taunted him, and no one ever knew about it.  That’s kind of stupid, firing someone for defending the client by any means necessary, but I digress.

Do I want to teach?

No, because it’s so politicized now that it’s hardly worth it.  However, it’s possible that I’m being driven in a position I don’t want to go to wait for the opportunity in my true calling-which is what I do right now…writing.

Maybe I’m supposed to do this teaching crap, not only to tell kids what really went down in recent American history (although they’re going to have to answer according to the textbook), but to teach and enforce the idea of diversity-which is a dangerous concept in the America ruled by the Trump regime.


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Don’t Be Afraid To Live While You Wait!



Were all gonna die
 Death is inevitable, so live while you wait. (c) 2017 by Jim Rousch

photo by Jim Rousch, driven by Jim Rousch car: 2015 Dodge Dart GT

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It’s Happened AFUCKINGAIN! Damn Passwords!




It has been less three days since I changed my password for this site.


Did I write it down? Of course, I did, but it didn’t matter. I still forgot. I’m writing this via another way. However, I have a new problem now-anytime I think I have a new password, it turns out that it’s an old password.


I mean, what the hell do I have to do to remember these things? Nothing works anymore!


I know that the blows I took to the head when I worked at Walmart are mostly to blame for this, as the pallets would break and hit me on the top of my head. However, I also think the seizure which I had a decade ago is a contributing factor.


What is most interesting to me is that I wind up the same problem, even though I write down the new password. I did not have this problem with my memory in the past. What problems I did experienced had to do with SHORT-TERM MEMORY. It was because of this that people said: “You only remember what you want to remember.


The funny part is that those same people couldn’t understand why I would become livid upon their assumption-and they still don’t.


Here is where you come in.


You may know someone who experiences these problems, so this columnist recommends that you not make things worse by reasserting your false belief that the person with whom you are dealing doesn’t pay attention or doesn’t care.


That’s a clever way of being found by the police in an alley, bleeding profusely in the moonlight.


This person would not feel so frustrated if he didn’t care.  Actually, he wouldn’t feel any frustration.  It is your prejudice and your assumptions which cause the situation to deteriorate, and it’s going to be your own fault if this person puts you in the local intensive care unit, because anyone who makes assumptions should be beaten until they don’t move anymore.


The reason why some deserve to be beaten into a state of unconsciousness after making the assumption is because the person you say this to has dealt with this his or her entire life and has heard the same thing.  Furthermore, no matter how severely this person beats you, this person should not be arrested for any crime, as you committed the crime of discrimination.




People snap, so you don’t want to be the final straw.  The best way to avoid that is to help those who struggle with their memory problems.


I know that in my own case, calendars and alarms don’t work.  Why?  Because every day I wake up, I’m usually a day or two off, and in either direction on the calendar.  This is a direct result of the meningitis I suffered when I was an infant.  The only time I can figure out what day I’m living in is if I have a reference to go by-like what happened yesterday, for example.


I have used day planners.

Clocks don’t work worth a damn.

Alarms?  I usually don’t remember why I set them-unless it’s the same alarm every day.

Routine is the only thing which gives me any chance of remembering anything.


I used to have the same password for everything, because I knew that I would easily forget if I didn’t.


It’s happened anyway.

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Christians Mock Those Who Struggle

Everyone makes a mistake, and mine was going to church today, because I want my niece to be different than the way I turned out.  The pastor’s sermon was contradictory to my life, as it never worked out the way the Bible claims it will.  However, what was to come, was even worse.

Yes, I take communion, as I know Christ rose.  However, I usually walk out of the sanctuary afterwards and wait for all the other bullshit to end so that we can all get the hell out of there.

Having a degree in psychology, I noticed a purple brochure about depression and I absorbed it, saying: “This is a lot of what early psychologists said back in the 19th Century.  See?  Always trust Science.”

“I’d rather trust the Bible,” an older woman of her early seventies replied in a burnt orange dress.

“The same Bible that tells you not to make friends with an angry man in Proverbs?”

Here is where it all began:­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

“Why are you here?” she asked insultingly.

“Do you realize that people like you nearly caused me to commit suicide and that heavy metal is the reason why I’m still here?  You’re a heartless bitch to say what just said to me.”

The conversation deteriorated to the point at which I was asked to go outside, but I returned and found her.

“Jude 1:22, bitch!  Have mercy to those who doubt!”

The problem with Christianity is that it will not acknowledge the accuracy of Science.  And while some will point out that Science is occasionally rewritten, I remind the critics that more discoveries are made as the technology improves.

“Holy books are full of crap because they do not explain behaviors, but merely condemn them.”

Now, you might ask why someone with a degree in psychology still struggles emotionally.  I have brain damage, you know.  That’s a major factor.  The only problem is that Christians don’t believe in Science.

Perhaps what is most ironic is the fact that listening to Black Sabbath’s final release, The End, took all of the misery away.



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What the Hell Happened to Me?! Who Cares? I Have Victories To Win

I rehabilitate myself at least three days a week.

I have a great physical trainer with whom I have much in common.  However, there is a peculiar issue with which currently confuses me.

After I acquired meningitis in 1971, my right side became more dominant (I began life ambidextrous).  Although I still ate with my left hand and despite the fact that I played kickball and soccer with my left leg, I batted right-handed and slugged people with my right fist while in the course of defending myself all through my elementary school years.  Remember that I had been bullied almost to death earlier in my life.  Fighting was the only way to keep bullies away from me.

Something is amiss, however, because my right leg is now more stable than my left.

While my balance was never anything to brag about, one of my biggest fears I was in my twenties was being having to perform a sobriety test in front of Los Angeles Sheriff’s deputies because I was never good at heel-toe.

While it has always been quite the adventure to stand on either leg, I now see that my current ability to do this has become much more difficult.

My physical trainer has me stand on one of those big plastic balls that a first grade teacher might improvise to represent Jupiter, but I have to fight for control-regardless of which leg I use.  The irony is that my right leg has now become stronger than my left.

This is a serious concern for me, because the question now arises:


l knew that something was wrong from the moment I was in the emergency room in Burbank, California.  When the neurologists told me that they could clearly see the original brain damage, but could find no evidence of anything new, I screamed,  “BULLSHIT!  SOMETHING’S WRONG!  I FEEL DIFFERENT!”

The neurologists continued to insist that there was nothing new.  However, my behavior had changed-and not for the better, either.

My fuse became shorter, whereas I had it nearly under control before this.

I was  able to pull off what I call a Yosemite Sam, which is the ability to find a way out of an aggravating situation and defuse in a safe place.

However, I am unable to do so now.

I struggle with social skills again, and it’s almost as  bad as when I struggled with the same skills thirty years ago.  I experience more difficulty with verbal intent.

The biggest mystery to me, however, is why my left side has become stronger and exhibited more control than my right side, as this never was.

What damage did that second seizure infect upon me, and where, other than the frontal lobes-which were already damaged by the meningitis?

One thing which I have always had in my favor is that I refuse to accept what is.  There’s no point in living if you accept limitations.

You do what you can with what you have left.  Whatever you lack, you take for yourself and take the freeways out of town, as quality of life is more important than life itself.

While it’s harder for me to concentrate and while it’s more difficult for me to remain civil to the truly idiotic who choose to believe that I’m a drug addict, I did acquire my college degree-something that most people would never have thought I could ever do.

So, if you know someone like me, don’t count them out.  Not only do they possess hidden talents which can benefit the world, but the same people also a simmering rage if disenfranchised-and you don’t want your family to get that phone call, do you?



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Oh, Yeah. This is Terrorism. Thanks, NRA!







It’s safe to state that one can now label the National Rifle Association a terrorist organization.


Like the MSNBC byline states, if this isn’t terrorism, what is?


The event in Las Vegas was a terrorist act, kids-and it was an act perpetrate by whites, who claim the “need” to be armed for protection.  Now, unless this guy had a neurological condition, there was no reason for him to have an arsenal.


Have you ever noticed that it’s always some white man who has an “arsenal” of rifles?  As if one artificial penis isn’t enough.  White males seem to feel the need to have a need to feel superior to everyone-when they’re not.

The right-wing gets you to vote against your own interests because they want you to be afraid of threats that don’t exist.  The only threats out there are the right-wing gun nuts who own arsenals and say that M-79 grenade launchers are covered in the Second Amendment.

There will come a day when Americans will surrender their guns to keep their children safe, and this columnist would win that bet because Americans accepted the Patriot Act right after September 11, 2001.

However, Americans will continue to see these massacres until they decide that the Second Amendment isn’t worth their children’s lives.  This isn’t going to end today, tomorrow, or next Wednesday.  Paranoid white men with defective amygdales will tell you that these need weapons for protection.  The funny part is that those weapons get used in places like Las Vegas.

And so, the cycle repeats ad nauseum.

America has more guns than people, and yet Americans are no safer.  In fact, the United States of America has the most gun deaths when listed among the world’s richest nations.

However, this is the way Americans claim they want it for now, because they choose fear over reality.

There’s nobody waiting outside anyone’s window.  Just shut up and fuck your wife with your Derringer, okay?


No, no, no, stupid-the one that shoots blanks.

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Brain Damage





This is what brain damage sounds like, motherfucker!

I used to go to Guitar Center in Irvine, California a lot, just so I could play the Jackson and B.C. Rich axes.  Besides, I needed to stay awake so that I could go to sleep at a normal time on my nights off.

I fucking hated night shift, but it paid a dollar an hour more than days.  What’s more, I’m not really a customer-oriented person (as if you haven’t guessed), because I don’t put up with crap from people who don’t sign my paychecks.

Like I always say, “I’m a whore, not a slave.  So, fuck off.”

How customer-oriented am I?  Okay, you axed for it:

One time, over twenty years ago, a woman looked for a book which was out of stock.  When she looked over my shoulder as I searched the computer, she said: “The computer says you have ten.”

I immediately turned around and replied, “Ma’am, I’m an Atheist in here, and that means I don’t believe in the existence of anything that I don’t have my hands on.  So, until it’s in my hand, and I give it to you, we ain’t got shit.

You’re not wondering why I never made Employee of the Month, are you?   I mean, it’s pretty fucking obvious.

And you thought this is just a character that I portray in cyberspace.  No, no, no, no, no, no, no!  This is who I am in real life-partially because of the fact that my prefrontal cortex is fucked up (source: Neurosci Bull April 1, 2015, 31(2): 198–206. and partially due to the fact that I simply have no patience for conservatives and other intellectual inferiors who refuse to accept scientific facts.

Meningitis is an inflammation of the lining of the brain  (source: Meningitis. (2015). Nursing Standard (2014+), 30(3), 17. doi:  People who get hit with it suffer brain damage and often lose their sight, lose their hearing, and lose their limbs.

And God supposedly protected three men in a furnace which was heated seven times normal (Daniel 3;19).

As for my axes, I have a Jackson and a Fender acoustic in storage over in Irvine, California, but I had to buy two more guitars and another amplifier.

I have been able to work on my manual dexterity over the course of time, and I’m a hell of a lot better now than I was when I shot that little bit at Guitar Center in Irvine, California in 2011.

I don’t know why God allowed me to get meningitis-and He’d better have a damned good reason for it.  Exodus 4:11 is something that I don’t accept.  And if you have a child with a developmental disability, you shouldn’t either.




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Wanna See What the Father Did To Me When I Was An Infant? Don’t Worry, Because I Will Win in the End-I Always Do.



Exodus 4:11 tells us that the Father inflicts damage on innocent children and Leviticus 21:16-23 advocates discrimination against people with developmental disabilities.

You don’t believe me?


Exodus 4:11-12New International Version (NIV)

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

Leviticus 21:16-2316The LORD said to Moses, 17“Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. 18No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; 19no man with a crippled foot or hand, 20or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. 21No descendant of Aaron the priest who has any defect is to come near to present the food offerings to the LORD. He has a defect; he must not come near to offer the food of his God. 22He may eat the most holy food of his God, as well as the holy food; 23yet because of his defect, he must not go near the curtain or approach the altar, and so desecrate my sanctuary. I am the LORD, who makes them holy.'”

I’m fucked at Verse 19, as the meningitis with which God allowed Lucifer to hit me with meningitis as an infant, which destroyed my left ear and my balance, as well as my coordination.  Hence, I’m not worth anything-according to God.

That’s okay, the feeling is mutual, Asshole, as You protected three men in a furnace.  Yet, You’re nowhere to be found when a priest molests a child.

For those who have no idea what I’m referring to, here thou art:

Daniel 3:19-New International Version (NIV)

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace.21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.

24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”

They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.”

25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God,come out! Come here!”

So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

This is why the pious want to be very careful with someone like this columnist, because only one verse needs to be cited to shut them down:

Proverbs 18:19New International Version (NIV)

19 A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city;
    disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

Remember how I mentioned that the bullying which I had experienced in the Church nearly caused me to take my own life?

Remember how American society’s discrimination against those with learning disabilities put me nearly at least 25 years behind in life.

This is why people like myself owe the Father absolutely nothing.

I remember looking up and giving the Father my voting finger after I sat down in my row at my college graduation.

“I beat You, You son of a whore-and I’m going to beat You again.  You can’t stop me.  You’re going to pay me every dollar.  I’m smarter than You.  I know Job is merely a myth, but You will come through for me if You want to remain credible-savvy?”

This columnist can make this statement toward his Creator and get away with it because of one verse in Proverbs 30:7-9.

 7Two things I asked of You,
Do not refuse me before I die:

8Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion,

9That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?”
Or that I not be in want and steal,
And profane the name of my God.

Now, we get to where I truly blow Jehovah out of the sky.  Once more, we have to go to Science for the answers, not the Bible-and this article is just one example of how correct Science is.

We have got you ‘covered’: how the meninges control brain
Julie A Siegenthaler and Samuel J Pleasure

Remember, that’s where it all started with me.

Bachelor of Science in Psychology
Master of Arts in Education/Secondary Teacher EducationBS/P-001 (Primary Program)
Current & Upcoming CoursesFull Schedule & Credits

Congratulations! You have officially graduated from your program.Be sure to visit our Alumni Association to learn about the benefits that come with being a University of Phoenix graduate. To get started, check out Alumni Association FAQs.

This should have happened back in 1992.  However, since the Father was so kind to me, I have wandered in the desert for 25 years.  No one does that to an infant and gets away with it.  I don’t care if He did create the Universe.

A tyrant is a tyrant, and my job is to overthrow any tyrant I see-whether that tyrant occupies the White House or inside the Heavenly Kingdom.  The beautiful thing is that the Father can’t send me to Hell.


I know that His Son rose from the dead because I know the mechanics of crucifixion and I also know the political situation in Israel at that time-which means I know the disciples did not steal Christ’s body, because a Roman guard who fell asleep was burned at his post.

This means that I win in both this life and the next!