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How Bad Off Am I-Seriously?

 

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Living with traumatic brain injury is bad enough-and everyone here knows that I have it and how I got it during my infancy.

Not only do I have to wonder what the second seizure did to me in 2007, but I now have to worry whether or not I have chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE.  While football and soccer players are known to have this condition, I have to check this out because I suffered numerous blows to the head when I worked at Walmart.

You see, the pallets broke-a lot.

If the information which I am currently reviewing from the Mayo Clinic is any indication, I think that I will take a pass on the autopsy, because that seems to be the only time to make said diagnosis.

I do not have cognitive problems at this time.  However, my hands do shake and it’s harder for me to control my temper.

I try to control my impulses.

I am aggressive toward objects more than I am people-unless they don’t listen.

I have never been able to plan or execute executive function, so that’s nothing new.

I don’t drink or smoke (Phineas Gage became an alcoholic).

I gave up on the thought of committing suicide-years ago..

I become quite irate, but won’t physically attack.  As for verbal attacks, that’s a different paradigm.  Just don’t fuck with me, okay?

I have always had some motor impairment because of the meningitis, but my hands shake more often, so I must investigate.

There is a possibility that I may come up with this later in life because of the pallets which hit me in the head.

Yeah, God loves my ass, alright-enough to fuck me over more than once.

The best source for information on this is https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-tramatic-encephalopathy/symptoms-causes/syc-20370921.

This puts Proverbs 22:24 in perspective, does it not?  This is the verse which tells the ignorant not to make friends with an angry man and to not hang around anyone who has a short fuse.

Again, this particular book was not written by a doctor with a psychology degree, but by an idiot who had no understanding of the human brain, nor how it worked.  The Bible was written by ignorant fools who judged people they didn’t take the time to understand.  Hence, there is no reason to pay any attention to it, as ignorance only worsens relationships between people and leads to painful misunderstandings.

I have no remorse.  I have done nothing wrong.  I guess this goes back to a little thing which happened at church not too long ago.  Then again, the person who interfered was once a cop-and we all know how bright they are-not very.

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Bad Mouth Any Nation That Bad Mouths You!

American flag burning

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Has anyone noticed that this writer sticks it to the United States of America?

Aw!  Really?  You’re kidding!

There are two main reasons why this writer does what he does.

First, the Pledge of Allegiance is bullcrap, as we do not believe in liberty and justice for all-as you will see in this clip.

This is why WHITE cops get their heads blown off.

 

This is a clear abuse of power, as this black man did nothing wrong.  Here is what I posted to the Daily Mail’s Facebook page with regard to this white criminal, as he threatened to CREATE CHARGES against an INNOCENT BLACK MAN:

 

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1122337684575194&id=493177604157875

This is how American cops behave.

They commit civil rights violations on a daily basis. American police are today’s Gestapo and must be stopped by any means, as they threaten every American’s civil rights.

The black man in the video spoke to the officer respectfully. However, just as all white cops generalise, so can we generalise against all cops in the United States, as they continue to demonstrate their are racist behaviour-and there is your proof.

As for what they do to Americans with developmental disabilities, they have been known to murder them in cold blood. Many videos on YouTube will prove it.

Thank God for dead cops, as I have also never broken any laws, but been harassed numerous times for political reasons.

I do not have an arrest record.

Most American cops hate Democrats. How do they know my political affiliation? By the stickers on the back of my 2000 Plymouth Breeze.

American pigs don’t deserve respect.  If anything, this is about all they deserve from the United Nations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8tFgIuPM98

The average American cop never entered this line of work to protect the public.  He entered this line of work to intimidate or execute those whom he deems to be inferior.

The same goes for any right-wing terrorist group-such as the Republican Party, the National Rifle Association, and the Ku Klux Klan.

Not all American liberals have surrendered to this madness which Trump has unleashed upon the United States, as you can clearly tell.  However, it’s getting more difficult to rally the frightened, because they don’t want to admit that their Hippie beliefs of peace and love at any price has failed-miserably.

Not only that, but Americans don’t stand for the rights of all-even many liberals fail at this-which leads to a problem of a different paradigm…one you would not expect from a liberal who proclaims freedom for all and that everyone is equal.

For example, we expect Republicans to marginalize the developmentally disabled.  And while Democratic officeholders, such as Charles Schumer (D)-New York, Maxine Waters (D)-California, Dianne Feinstein (D)-California, and Kamala Harris, (D)-California fight for every developmentally disabled person’s right to life, liberty, and their pursuit of happiness, the average grassroots Democratic volunteer is almost as ignorant as about any Republican.

This is because they do not take neurological considerations into account.  However, the main problem is that these are relatively old people who choose to remain as ignorant as their Republican counterparts when they see someone with autism or a traumatic brain injury behave in less than an appropriate manner.

To put it bluntly, some on the American left-especially the baby boomers are just pretty stupid and hypocritical.  While it’s one thing to prove that Republicans are the most bigoted sons of sisters to ever walk the planet, baby boomer Democrats tend to have their own problems with regard to bias.  This is especially true as they reject the new information, and they are hypocritical because they almost respond like the Republicans they hate when it comes to how they deal with someone with a traumatic brain injury.

There’s only one way to put this to just about any American senior citizen-especially the Hippie left which has now become as prejudiced as the Republican Party:

While Democrats are smart enough to pipe down, Republicans often tell me to leave this country if I don’t like how things go here-in other words, they are quite comfortable with their bigotry.

I guess someone should have told the Black Panthers and Rosa Parks to leave America, but they improved this hypocritical nation-whether Americans wanted to change or not.

 

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I Don’t Donate To The Wounded Dumbfuck Project. By the Way, Shouldn’t My Ex-Wife Had Compassion for MY TBI, Which I Acquired Via Meningitis?

 

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Don’t Blame Someone With A Traumatic Brain Injury If They Lose It With Technology

 

 

I have a love/hate relationshit with technology.

While technology can make things easier for most of us, it’s a bitch and a half for someone who has a traumatic brain injury.

My particular case is particularly frustrating because the blows to the head which I received via working at Walmart (the pallets would break and hit me in the head) and the seizure I had, which was the result of stress I experienced while working as a community trainer for someone with autism for nearly a decade have destroyed my patience with objects, but not people-so long as the sons of bitches don’t judge me.

Let me tell you what happens when this shit goes down.

First, something won’t work on a particular object.

Next, I try again.

By the third attempt, I’m in big trouble.  Red flashes into my brain and I have to hope that I can duck out in time-or I just act on instinct.

This is a serious problem which I experience and I am desperately trying to correct this, because of the disastrous results of failing to control frustration-all of which are well known.

I know that I am not the only one who goes through this, so I encourage you to share your experiences online with those who believe it’s simply a matter of self-control.

You want to know something?  I’m completely calm right now.  Why?  Because I’m not working with a composition program which has given me nothing but problems all night.

Let’s see what happens when I return to it-which I must.  I have work that’s due.

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Romance and Traumatic Brain Injury

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People (especially men) who have traumatic brain injury often have a difficult time in the dating world.

We don’t recognize social cues at times and anything nonverbal is a real pain in the ass.  This is especially true when you are dealing with the Internet.

One problem that people like myself have is the sense of timing, and that’s because the hippocampus has been damaged.  The hippocampus serves as a clock, so for most of us, it’s hard to know when to do what-and most of the time we miss completely.  We never mean to smother, but it happens.  This is because some of us made the opposite mistake in the past in waiting too long.

Some of us don’t even realize that someone is flirting with us-and I’m fucking serious about that.  It’s not that we’re stupid.  Our hippocampus has been affected.

Research from Columbia Medical Research Center show that a small part of the hippocampus, know as CA-2 is critical for retaining social recall.  CA-3 helps us remember a memory from partial cues.

I’m officially fucked here.  I’m so fucked right here that I look like a pornstar after a gangbang filmed by Vivid.

The hormone, Vasopressin, is linked to sexual motivation, bonding, and other like functions.

You can read the rest of the information from Psych Central here:

https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/24/brain-area-critical-for-social-skills-discovered-in-mouse-study/66334.html

This is something that I have had to learn the hard way, and now I have to learn how to properly maintain a steady pace.

As broken as I am in the chest, I have to admit that maybe this is what needed to happen.

What happens when you find the problem?  You learn how to find the solution.

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It’s Happened AFUCKINGAIN! Damn Passwords!

 

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It has been less three days since I changed my password for this site.

 

Did I write it down? Of course, I did, but it didn’t matter. I still forgot. I’m writing this via another way. However, I have a new problem now-anytime I think I have a new password, it turns out that it’s an old password.

 

I mean, what the hell do I have to do to remember these things? Nothing works anymore!

 

I know that the blows I took to the head when I worked at Walmart are mostly to blame for this, as the pallets would break and hit me on the top of my head. However, I also think the seizure which I had a decade ago is a contributing factor.

 

What is most interesting to me is that I wind up the same problem, even though I write down the new password. I did not have this problem with my memory in the past. What problems I did experienced had to do with SHORT-TERM MEMORY. It was because of this that people said: “You only remember what you want to remember.

 

The funny part is that those same people couldn’t understand why I would become livid upon their assumption-and they still don’t.

 

Here is where you come in.

 

You may know someone who experiences these problems, so this columnist recommends that you not make things worse by reasserting your false belief that the person with whom you are dealing doesn’t pay attention or doesn’t care.

 

That’s a clever way of being found by the police in an alley, bleeding profusely in the moonlight.

 

This person would not feel so frustrated if he didn’t care.  Actually, he wouldn’t feel any frustration.  It is your prejudice and your assumptions which cause the situation to deteriorate, and it’s going to be your own fault if this person puts you in the local intensive care unit, because anyone who makes assumptions should be beaten until they don’t move anymore.

 

The reason why some deserve to be beaten into a state of unconsciousness after making the assumption is because the person you say this to has dealt with this his or her entire life and has heard the same thing.  Furthermore, no matter how severely this person beats you, this person should not be arrested for any crime, as you committed the crime of discrimination.

 

ADA?

 

People snap, so you don’t want to be the final straw.  The best way to avoid that is to help those who struggle with their memory problems.

 

I know that in my own case, calendars and alarms don’t work.  Why?  Because every day I wake up, I’m usually a day or two off, and in either direction on the calendar.  This is a direct result of the meningitis I suffered when I was an infant.  The only time I can figure out what day I’m living in is if I have a reference to go by-like what happened yesterday, for example.

 

I have used day planners.

Clocks don’t work worth a damn.

Alarms?  I usually don’t remember why I set them-unless it’s the same alarm every day.

Routine is the only thing which gives me any chance of remembering anything.

 

I used to have the same password for everything, because I knew that I would easily forget if I didn’t.

 

It’s happened anyway.

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America’s Hypocritical Position on Traumatic Brain Injury

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You may be like me in that you have a tough time controlling your temper.

None of that ‘count to ten’ crap works for you, either, does it?

Yeah, that’s what I figured.

The problem may be that your frontal lobes might be compromised, if not destroyed to some extent.   Worse, the more you try to explain the situation, the more you are dismissed-which is why I have no sympathy for  who don’t hit the dirt or find a place to hide when someone’s breaking point has been cracked and they exercise their Second Amendment rights in Las Vegas.
According to Sanford University, the prefrontal cortex is associated with higher attention, cognition, following society’s rules, and controlling one’s impulses (source: Stanford, Zero to Three, January 2009).
I know how I get when things don’t work after I follow the written instructions-get out, and get out now.
I

t has gotten worse over the distance of time, due to the number of pallets which hit me in the head when I worked at Walmart.  I can feel it, but I can’t stop it.  I scream obscenities, punch walls, and floor the pedal on the car.  And when I’m accused of having a bad attitude, that’s when you’re playing with matches, as all I am is the spilt Unleaded 93 because there’s a line of gas that leads straight to the pump.

Talk about your Terrible Herbst!

With all the discussion about the traumatic brain injuries suffered by idiots who paid no attention to the road en route to Fallujah or Tikrit, it seems that Americans should express at least some benefit of the doubt toward those of us who didn’t engage in murder via the United States government during the Iraq War.   We  all know they’re going to get that benefit of the doubt when one of them stands on trial for murder, but what about the rest of us who suffer from the same condition through no fault of our own?

Rehabilitation is the answer, not incarceration.  If this society is going to allow rapists in American military uniforms to walk free because they drove over a bomb, Americans who got traumatic brain injury by illness or accident should be afforded the same courtesy.

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What the Hell Happened to Me?! Who Cares? I Have Victories To Win

I rehabilitate myself at least three days a week.

I have a great physical trainer with whom I have much in common.  However, there is a peculiar issue with which currently confuses me.

After I acquired meningitis in 1971, my right side became more dominant (I began life ambidextrous).  Although I still ate with my left hand and despite the fact that I played kickball and soccer with my left leg, I batted right-handed and slugged people with my right fist while in the course of defending myself all through my elementary school years.  Remember that I had been bullied almost to death earlier in my life.  Fighting was the only way to keep bullies away from me.

Something is amiss, however, because my right leg is now more stable than my left.

While my balance was never anything to brag about, one of my biggest fears I was in my twenties was being having to perform a sobriety test in front of Los Angeles Sheriff’s deputies because I was never good at heel-toe.

While it has always been quite the adventure to stand on either leg, I now see that my current ability to do this has become much more difficult.

My physical trainer has me stand on one of those big plastic balls that a first grade teacher might improvise to represent Jupiter, but I have to fight for control-regardless of which leg I use.  The irony is that my right leg has now become stronger than my left.

This is a serious concern for me, because the question now arises:

WHAT DID THE 2007 SEIZURE DO TO MY BRAIN?

l knew that something was wrong from the moment I was in the emergency room in Burbank, California.  When the neurologists told me that they could clearly see the original brain damage, but could find no evidence of anything new, I screamed,  “BULLSHIT!  SOMETHING’S WRONG!  I FEEL DIFFERENT!”

The neurologists continued to insist that there was nothing new.  However, my behavior had changed-and not for the better, either.

My fuse became shorter, whereas I had it nearly under control before this.

I was  able to pull off what I call a Yosemite Sam, which is the ability to find a way out of an aggravating situation and defuse in a safe place.

However, I am unable to do so now.

I struggle with social skills again, and it’s almost as  bad as when I struggled with the same skills thirty years ago.  I experience more difficulty with verbal intent.

The biggest mystery to me, however, is why my left side has become stronger and exhibited more control than my right side, as this never was.

What damage did that second seizure infect upon me, and where, other than the frontal lobes-which were already damaged by the meningitis?

One thing which I have always had in my favor is that I refuse to accept what is.  There’s no point in living if you accept limitations.

You do what you can with what you have left.  Whatever you lack, you take for yourself and take the freeways out of town, as quality of life is more important than life itself.

While it’s harder for me to concentrate and while it’s more difficult for me to remain civil to the truly idiotic who choose to believe that I’m a drug addict, I did acquire my college degree-something that most people would never have thought I could ever do.

So, if you know someone like me, don’t count them out.  Not only do they possess hidden talents which can benefit the world, but the same people also a simmering rage if disenfranchised-and you don’t want your family to get that phone call, do you?

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What’s With The Sound?

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Music Recording

People with developmental disabilities are more capable than you believe.

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https://freedomfortheoppressed.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Recording-11.m4a

 

 

Have you ever noticed how the first notes on these recordings are louder than those on the rest of the tune?
Okay, I’m no sound man.  Hell, I’m half-deaf as it is, and it’s not from being a heavy metal musician for 33 years.  After all, Paul Stanley was already half-deaf when Wicked Lester formed in 1970, so that’s not the problem.
Furthermore, there was a period in my life when I worked behind the camera, and that was back in the early 1990s when I worked with Allan Cameron in Santa Clarita, California, so I know a few things about camerawork.  However, back to the damn sound.
It would be easier to understand why these recordings are so goofy if the opening notes were as screwy as the rest.  However, that is not the case.  So, what gives?
Sure, it makes me sound like I haven’t a clue of what the hell I’m doing-and maybe I don’t.  I won’t argue about that idea in the sound realm, because I’m only using a $1200 Hewlett-Packard or (even sillier) an i-Phone (I’m serious!).
Here’s what is probably the least believable.  The recordings from my i-Phone are of higher quality than those which I record straight from the computer.  Hell, I still get better recordings off compact cassette!  Yes, I still use compact cassettes and old-fashioned tape recorders.
If I know me, I probably haven’t set up the microphones correctly.
Do I really do music for the money?  No, I’m 47-years-old now, and I’m pretty much recording this material for any descendants I might have a century or two down the line.  Realistically, about the only way I could ever cut any kind of album is if I made it in this business first-and then, it would have to be after I’m somewhat established.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Although I’m usually the first one to say that those who look at reality may as well give up now, that is the reality of my situation as a musician-especially a metal musician.
The strange thing about this recording is that it’s very much of the 1970’s variety.  I personally hear elements of Kiss and Led Zeppelin from about 1975 in something that I just recorded last night (October 7, 2017) around 10:30 p.m.
While the notes might be a bit heavier, the sound is very much from the days of Watergate and the Arab oil embargo against the West.
I would record two guitars, but I’m not quite sure that I could pull it off with this computer.  I would probably need a second computer; one to play the rhythm and the other with which to record leads.  I don’t know.  I guess I’ll have to ask my original lead guitarist or another friend of mine who has worked with Sheena E. and Chicago.
Come to think of it, I wonder if he’s playing at the Baked Potato tonight.

 

 

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Oh, Yeah. This is Terrorism. Thanks, NRA!

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http://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/chris-hayes-if-this-isn-t-terrorism-what-is-1060236355993

 

 

 

 

It’s safe to state that one can now label the National Rifle Association a terrorist organization.

 

Like the MSNBC byline states, if this isn’t terrorism, what is?

 

The event in Las Vegas was a terrorist act, kids-and it was an act perpetrate by whites, who claim the “need” to be armed for protection.  Now, unless this guy had a neurological condition, there was no reason for him to have an arsenal.

 

Have you ever noticed that it’s always some white man who has an “arsenal” of rifles?  As if one artificial penis isn’t enough.  White males seem to feel the need to have a need to feel superior to everyone-when they’re not.

The right-wing gets you to vote against your own interests because they want you to be afraid of threats that don’t exist.  The only threats out there are the right-wing gun nuts who own arsenals and say that M-79 grenade launchers are covered in the Second Amendment.

There will come a day when Americans will surrender their guns to keep their children safe, and this columnist would win that bet because Americans accepted the Patriot Act right after September 11, 2001.

However, Americans will continue to see these massacres until they decide that the Second Amendment isn’t worth their children’s lives.  This isn’t going to end today, tomorrow, or next Wednesday.  Paranoid white men with defective amygdales will tell you that these need weapons for protection.  The funny part is that those weapons get used in places like Las Vegas.

http://study.com/academy/lesson/the-amygdala-definition-role-function.html

And so, the cycle repeats ad nauseum.

America has more guns than people, and yet Americans are no safer.  In fact, the United States of America has the most gun deaths when listed among the world’s richest nations.

http://www.guncite.com/cnngunde.html

However, this is the way Americans claim they want it for now, because they choose fear over reality.

There’s nobody waiting outside anyone’s window.  Just shut up and fuck your wife with your Derringer, okay?

 

No, no, no, stupid-the one that shoots blanks.

This is a demo store for testing purposes — no orders shall be fulfilled. Dismiss

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