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The Dad I Never Had

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This is a two-part article which may be difficult to follow,

but I hope will make sense in the end.

While I know that Jesus rose from the dead, I have to say that I don’t respect religion very much, and for one reason:hypocrisy.

You see, I was never accepted, even as a child.  I talked about that to the pastor’s wife a couple of days ago, and the suggestion was that I somehow had something to do with it-as a child.

Let me tell you about the last grain of sand which pushed me too far and let me tell inform you how I crawled out of the grave.

 

It was early 1983 and I had been severely bullied by Christians for years.

I was on the brink of suicide when I found this man, the former frontman of Elf; the former frontman of Rainbow; the former voice of the notorious Black Sabbath.

My soul was crawling and crushed by what the Children of the Cross had done unto me, as they spat at me, sabotaged my schoolwork so that the teacher never saw it (we had to pass it forward in those days).  I usually had to do the same assignment twice-and that was before I had even gotten to the homework assignment of that particular day.

I wonder if that had happened to Ronnie, too.

I had never made a friend in the Church, not even as a small child.  I was always the outcast in the House of the Lord, which was why I was so drawn to Rainbow, to Sabbath…..to Ronnie.

By the time I had left North Valley Lutheran Church, it was too late.  The transformation had begun, as the pastor had blamed me for my own afflictions and said he had no time to help me.  It’s funny, but I was told that I was to blame for my own experiences by a pastor’s wife as we conversed on the phone last weekend; that I was making excuses for what happened to me in those years.

Holy Diver was released in 1983, and I was already past the point of decision before I had even heard the album.   It was just a matter of how I was going to try and become successful at the ultimate symbol of failure in life, because that’s how the people at Church made me feel.  It’s possible that he had felt the same way, because he spoke about ‘always being smacked in the head by the nuns with a ruler’.

That will deter your faith-no matter what religion you’re born into.

Yes, I felt like the rainbow in the dark, for sure, and this is why I struggle with my beliefs nearly forty years later.  It’s not that I don’t believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died and rose from the dead.  It’s that God the Father ever gave a damn about me in the first place-and I am not the only one.  Before he changed his name, Ronald Padavona experienced something in the Catholic Church which made him go somewhere else in his later life.  However, I watched this video of Ronnie and Wendy Dio in Volgograd, Russia, shot in 2005, I wonder if he struggled in the last five years-I mean, I really have no idea, as it seems to me someone who has no interest in God would wish to enter His House.

I guess I’d have to ask someone who knew Ronnie on May

16, 2010.

I was given the news by a friend of mine from Sylmar High School, a fellow metal guitarist by the name of Kari Simon, whom I had met in guitar class.  Time stopped at that moment, because Dio’s  office was Ventura Boulevard and I lived on Sherman Way-less than five miles away-and I had always wanted to thank him for getting me out of Hell.

It’s possible that I’m doing that now, because he told me that I just needed a little hand, because he knew I could feel the hot breath on my shoulder.

 

Because of Ronnie James Dio, I will never say this at the end of my life.

 

Photo
“Dreams are what we are.”-RJD

Looking at this man’s face still shakes me-even eight years after his demise from stomach cancer.

While religion nearly brought me to the brink of suicide, this is the man who told me to hold on; that a better day would come, and that I wouldn’t be the last in line anymore, but rather…the first in line.

Lastly, the struggle I face is in becoming rich so that I can find love, but what does Dio tell me-even now?

 

“Love isn’t money.  It’s not something you buy.”

Here is where I move on into the second part of this article, and you can read what Dio wrote above.  I move into a different part of this article, because it is what I am struggling with right now in my personal life.  Who is there to guide me through this?From beyond the grave, it’s Dio-and the lyrics are right above.

That’s funny, but I could have sworn that the Bible states the same thing about love and courtship.

While the pious tell me I have to make good money (as hard as I have tried since I graduated from high school), I have never had much luck-even my sister told me that I am one of the hardest workers whom she knows, as I have worked in a Goodyear, dug ditches, worked with those who have autism and have been brutally attacked (both physically by my charge and mentally by his father)

Genesis 2:18 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”


Hm.  Nothing about money there.  Let’s look somewhere else.

1 Thessalonians 4:7 

For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.

Nothing about money there, either.  This is not looking good, is it?

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9 

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

Gee, you mean things like: HE DOESN’T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY?

Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Hm.  Suppose I am a poor man who only has a small bank account because I have a damaged spine and a screwed up shoulder.  I have a bachelor’s degree, but so what?


1 Corinthians 7:9 New International Version (NIV)

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

Something isn’t right here, and it’s quite understandable why people like Ronnie James Dio felt the way he did about hypocrisy.  Love isn’t money, but there are a lot of people in this country who delay marriage so that they can afford to be husband and wife.  

Meanwhile, what happens?  Everyone ends up sleeping with everyone else.

 


Flee
 from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

1 Corinthians 7:9 New International Version (NIV)

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Romans 14:13-23 English Standard Version (ESV)

Do Not Cause Another to Stumble

13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

This leads us right back to:

 

1 Corinthians 7:9 New International Version (NIV)

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Money is a stumbling block which causes sexual immorality, isn’t it?  What did Christ say about issues like that in Mark 9:42?

 

New International Version
“If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.

 

The hypocrisy of organized religion was what transformed Ronald Padavona into Ronnie James Dio.  

He understood my experiences with religion unlike any pastor whom I ever knew, and I never met the man personally.  I only knew him through his music and his interviews-and I learned that Ronnie Padavona experienced what I had, which is why he became the great Ronnie James Dio, the last in line and the first in line.

If some of this article escapes your understanding, you can thank the pastor’s wife for that, as we had a very nasty conversation a few days ago, and you read the gist of it.  

I still reel from her words, as she was not there to experience what I did.  She did not deliver me from suicide, but Ronnie James Dio was one of the people who did.  He was probably the strongest influence in my life at that time.  

I couldn’t talk to my old man, because all we ever did was fight.  I still have trouble with God, because of Acts 1:8:

New International Version
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

 

So, since she blamed me for being bullied and since she blamed me for the feelings which I have carried for all of those years, does that mean the Father is also like this, too.

I’d love to ask Ronnie, but I’m not totally sold on the “power” of Ouija boards.  All I can do is thank him for being one of the most important people in my life during a time when I tried to end my life for lack of hope in any future.  After all, Ronnie James Dio was the dad I never had.

 

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Love is Love, Money Is Money-THERE’S A DIFFERENCE! By the Way-Don’t Judge!

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Yeah, I’m still thinking about this event that happened to she and I.

I’m not spinning like an acorn anymore (thanks, Ace Frehley), but it’s not leaving my mind-no matter what I do or the way I numb it.

The Acorn Is Spinning, 1988

No, I’m not drinking, but I do engage in other self-destructive behaviors-which I wish I had more willpower from which to refrain.  Chief among them, I know that my Dodge Dart can go well over 100 mph, and that’s not just a bad idea.  That’s seven shades of stupid when you do that at the age of 47.

By the way, I never did that with her in the car-again, seven shades of stupid.

It’s quite certain that she’s thinking about this, too.  This is because she is not the kind of woman who doesn’t keep her word.  She knew that I was worried about this possibility, because I voiced it.

Love is love and it shouldn’t be interfered with-by anyone.  It’s ironic that somehow the one who abused her passed the test and I didn’t.   This has happened throughout the centuries, as parents broke the hearts of their children by making prejudicial decisions or by choosing not understand the suitor’s experiences.

What did Jesus say about this?  Well, I (as almost always) have the answer to this question:

Matthew 7:1-5 1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

The Christian left has warned that the judging of others is one of the reasons why people detest Christianity.  It also holds the position that preachers who preach against greed, but have plenty besides cause people to doubt the validity of the Bible.

Even though I detest religion, I know Jesus was the Son of God, simply by all of the scientific and historical evidence.   However, that’s not enough for many Christians when you have a relationship with their daughters.  I came to the understanding that my rather lousy relationship with God the Father played into this-never mind that Christianity is what made me suicidal in the first place before I was even thirteen-years-old.  This happened via social ostracization, serious degrees of bullying, and the Church’s willingness to ignore my cries for help against the spiritual violence which happened to me.

What did Paul write about the quality of faith?

Romans 14:1 1Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.

What did Jude write about this?

Jude 22 New International Version (NIV)

22 Be merciful to those who doubt.

Kiss, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Ronnie James Dio, Rainbow, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, and Twisted Sister prevented my suicide, okay?  Enough said.

Here’s proof of that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYn8WOWJ2hU

The Church continues to experience problems in this area, as Christians judge actions without considering motivation.  Okay, I shouldn’t have played my Black Sabbath album in the sanctuary last week.  However, Sabbath prevented my suicide after the Church nearly caused it thirty-five years ago, and Christianity, not only nearly caused it, but did nothing to prevent it.

Hey, I’m a sinner like everyone else, but at least I try to understand why people are the way the are.  I guess we can thank liberalism and my psychology degree for that one, huh?  Parents need to consider the emotional consequences of their daughters before allowing their prejudices to ruin their lives.

Love is love and you’re not supposed to buy it.  While Christians say that money isn’t everything, that position quickly changes when they see a guy at the door who holds the hand of their daughter.

What did Paul write about wealth in 1 Timothy 6:17?

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.”

What did Paul write in 1 Corinthians 7:9 about sex and marriage?

1 Corinthians 7:9 New International Version (NIV)

“9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Oh, and as for my doing this for the money is concerned, as 1 Timothy 6:5 points out:

New International Version
“…and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.”

Remember that money is the problem in the first place.  I still certain that I wouldn’t be approved of even if I became a millionaire.  Funny, but I could have sworn that both Paul and Ronnie James Dio agreed that money had nothing to with love.

HYPOCRISY IS THE REASON WHY CHRISTIANITY IS DYING!

The breaking of a daughter’s heart comes at a price, so does breaking hearts of grandchildren, as that little girl cried and gave me one of the tightest hugs I have ever felt.

Christianity proves itself to be more phony as the days roll past because of those who sit in the pews.   Hell will be filled with Christians, and I can prove it.

Matthew 8:11-12 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

No one is ever good enough for a Christian parent.  Remember that the man of whom they approved beat their daughter severely  and he is still a negative force in their daughter’s life, as well as the lives of the grandchildren-and that’s not too bright, kids.

Any psychologist will tell you that.

 

 

IMG_0338

Isn’t that, right, Mr. Dio?

 

Ronnie-James-Dio

And Rabbi, what saith thou about my faith, since I accept the faith that I know you are God’s Son?

Matthew 17:20

 Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.”

Now, Rabbi, I struggle daily in my faith in You, and I despise Your Church because of its hypocrisy and judgments of others whom the members of the same choose not to understand.  What of that?  You saw what happened to me at church last week when I was physically threatened by one of the ushers, who said that he would: “kick your ass out of here.”   

Romans 14:1 1Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.

While we’re on the subject, what about the use of foul language by a Christian-especially by an usher or an elder?  Remember that he said he would throw my ass out, so I’m not the hypocrite here-especially in the midst of my pain.  Now, I’m guilty, too.  However, You saw me take responsibility for it.

James 3:9-12 9With the tongue we praise our LORD and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Ephesians 5:4, New International Version
Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather
thanksgiving.

Okay, Lord.  I admit that I’m also guilty of that-mainly because the deprivation which I have experienced has caused me to joke about the calmities of others.  Now, while that’s a sin, what is Your stance on my rather sick sense of humor?

Remember that he said he would throw my ass out, so I’m not the hypocrite here-especially in the midst of my pain.

Hm.  It seems like my relationship with God might be better than people believe-even if I do blast Black Sabbath in the church parking lo-or in the sanctuary, for that matter.  Jesus knows why I do that, and He gets it-even though I don’t understand everything about Him.

By the way, Christ has a message for you.

Matthew 5:7 New International Version (NIV)

Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.

So, what about those who go to church every Sunday and judge people whom they don’t understand?

Matthew 8:11-12 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

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Don’t Be Afraid To Live While You Wait!

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Were all gonna die
 Death is inevitable, so live while you wait. (c) 2017 by Jim Rousch

photo by Jim Rousch, driven by Jim Rousch car: 2015 Dodge Dart GT

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See This Little Girl? You Killed Her.

Child commits suicide after bullying incident caught on camera
photo: courtesy of WTVR-TV

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Anyone who tells you that America cares about children is going to need to clean their mouth out with Aurora two-ply white toilet paper, because that’s simply a load of crap.

KDVR and CNN reported Thursday that a 10-year-old girl from Aurora, Colorado hanged herself after a video of her defending herself from a bully surfaced on Facebook.

The studies on bullying show that the target of the behavior suffers lower grades, which also lowers their self-esteem.  The question to be asked is why the administrators allow it when they know the repercussions.

A) The victim commits suicide.
B) The victim walks into a classroom with an AR-15.

We also must wonder why administers don’t allow victims to fight back.  The reason why kids continue to bully the target is because they know they won’t fight back-often for fear of repercussions from authority figures, whether they must deal with school administrators or their own parents.

I was bullied when I was in both the Church and in school, and no amount of therapy has helped me conquer it.  However, I don’t go out and hurt myself.  What I do instead is laugh at catastrophes.

This is especially true when the person is of a higher tax bracket.  The reason for that is due to Americans perception of my learning disabilities.  The way I see it, if I wasn’t allowed to earn it, not only will I laugh when you lose it, but I’ll also take pictures!

I laugh when a two-story house with a BMW and a Mercedes burns to the ground.  Worse yet, I’m more inclined to record the event and try to make money off LiveLeak.  The thought of helping anyone who has more than I do never crosses my mind, and the reason for that is because they are the same kind of people who prevented me from excelling thirty years ago by labeling me as either lazy or slow-and I love it when, I who have never broken the law, hear about the death of a cop.

Why?

I was harassed mercilessly for years by them because of my long hair and my Megadeth and black and white 105.5 KNAC PURE ROCK stickers.  Hell, I’ve even been harassed by them during presidential election years.

There is a direct correlation between bullying and suicide (source: Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J. W. (2010). Bullying, cyberbullying, and suicide. Archives of Suicide Research, 14(3), 206-221. doi:10.1080/13811118.2010.494133).

If you think the rural areas are safe, think again.  Rural children, especially migrants, are just as likely to experience this hell (American Medical Assoc. Reference List

Fong R, Vogel B, Vogel R. The Correlates of School Violence: An Examination of Factors Linked to Assaultive Behavior in a Rural Middle School with a Large Migrant Population. Journal Of School Violence [serial online]. July 2008;7(3):24-47. Available from: Education Source, Ipswich, MA)

However, what about when the target snaps and takes revenge?  Writing this as someone wo was bullied, one says that the results are as beautiful as a centerfold.
You’re not going to like this.

Those who were victimized aggressively became very defensive (that explains me alright) prior to therapy.  However, they were more tranquil after treatment (I was bullied for years, so I have a long way to go) (source: Authors: FUNG, ANNIS LAI-CHU1).

 

(source: Scandinavian Journal of Psychology; Aug2012, Vol. 53 Issue 4, p360-367, 9p, 2 Charts, 4 Graphs).  For example, I don’t trust people and I hate police (as I didn’t care to be stopped without cause and put to the ground-for no reason).   However, when the pit bull gives the bully what’s coming to him, the results are nothing short of beautiful.

(source: Honorato, B., Caltabiano, N., & Clough, A. R. (2016). From trauma to incarceration: Exploring the trajectory in a qualitative study in male prison inmates from north queensland, australia. Health & Justice, 4(1), 1-10. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1186/s40352-016-0034-x)
This study found that, while there is still more research to be conducted on how exactly those bullied eventually snap and become violent offenders, there is a connection.  The findings did state that early detection and intervention lower the prevalence of violent behavior in those who were targets.

We should start punishing those who bully and those who either deny or encourage the prevalence thereof instead.  We should also incarcerate the parents for teaching their brats that it’s okay to prey on others.  That makes more sense than trying an 11-year-old child as an adult after he shoots his classmates.

What should we do with that eleven-year-old who shot everyone in the classroom?  Psychotherapy, nothing more.  He’s tasted his revenge.  He has exacted justice.  He now needs help in letting the chapter fade into history.

Na, you would rather have the suicide, wouldn’t you?  I’ll go tell Ashawnty Davis’ parents you think that way-especially since the fight was put on video-especially since she was only ten.

As for me, I kick ass.  I might not be able to physically hurt fascists, racists, members of the military, and other subhumans, but you’ll sure get both barrels from me.

 

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Christians Mock Those Who Struggle

Everyone makes a mistake, and mine was going to church today, because I want my niece to be different than the way I turned out.  The pastor’s sermon was contradictory to my life, as it never worked out the way the Bible claims it will.  However, what was to come, was even worse.

Yes, I take communion, as I know Christ rose.  However, I usually walk out of the sanctuary afterwards and wait for all the other bullshit to end so that we can all get the hell out of there.

Having a degree in psychology, I noticed a purple brochure about depression and I absorbed it, saying: “This is a lot of what early psychologists said back in the 19th Century.  See?  Always trust Science.”

“I’d rather trust the Bible,” an older woman of her early seventies replied in a burnt orange dress.

“The same Bible that tells you not to make friends with an angry man in Proverbs?”

Here is where it all began:­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

“Why are you here?” she asked insultingly.

“Do you realize that people like you nearly caused me to commit suicide and that heavy metal is the reason why I’m still here?  You’re a heartless bitch to say what just said to me.”

The conversation deteriorated to the point at which I was asked to go outside, but I returned and found her.

“Jude 1:22, bitch!  Have mercy to those who doubt!”

The problem with Christianity is that it will not acknowledge the accuracy of Science.  And while some will point out that Science is occasionally rewritten, I remind the critics that more discoveries are made as the technology improves.

“Holy books are full of crap because they do not explain behaviors, but merely condemn them.”

Now, you might ask why someone with a degree in psychology still struggles emotionally.  I have brain damage, you know.  That’s a major factor.  The only problem is that Christians don’t believe in Science.

Perhaps what is most ironic is the fact that listening to Black Sabbath’s final release, The End, took all of the misery away.

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