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Allstate Motorcycles…Sold by SEARS???

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This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

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Letter to a Boss

Dear Boss,

No one likes you.

Your wife hates you and the kid is actually the poolboy’s.

Your 19-year-old squeeze swallows you so she doesn’t have to pay the rent on that condo in Malibu or her college education at UCLA-and even she told me that she’d rather have the quarterback fuck her.  She referred to something anatomically.  I wasn’t really paying too much attention because I was staring at her huge tits at the time.

Did you pay for those or is she mountain grown?

Three of us tried to wire your new Mercedes last week, but we obviously suck at it.  We asked for a raise and you won’t let us unionize.

“Tell me something I don’t know.  How’d you get this job you own?  I think that all you need is a; all you need is a; all you need IS A FACE!  Now it’s dark, but I can see.  DON’T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT ME!” (Anthrax-“Now It’s Dark” from State of Euphoria, 1988)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0xPxlfriV4

Did you ever think about behaving like Sir Richard Branson instead of acting like the Walton family?   His employees actually respect him!  Just because you wear a suit doesn’t mean you’re worth much of anything.  Actually, the suit makes you a bigger pain in the ass than anything else.

Signed,

Your disgruntled employees who are underpaid and never appreciated.

PS:  The secretary took out a life insurance policy on your ass yesterday because we know you have no heart, you fat, balding fuck.

Have a nice day, asshole.