Posted on

Allstate Motorcycles…Sold by SEARS???

Article

$0.50

This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

Advertisements
Posted on

Happy Anniversary To My Plymouth, And Hurry Up With My Chrysler!

It’s kind of hard to know what to do when your Internet connection is thrashed. However, I believe in trying to produce anything-even if it’s not perfect.

I actually recorded two pieces, but I wanted to save that for someone special, so I had to record again.

I haven’t felt well in the past few days, as I’m frustrated as hell with everything which isn’t happening.

First is the crap with my car-which all started on September 3. I was informed by GEICO that it was going to be reassessed by a new adjuster.

I have been without my new Chrysler for five weeks, so it’s a good thing that I still have my Plymouth Breeze as a back up.

For those of you who live in civilized countries, America sucks now because no one knows what anyone is doing. Worse yet, no one cares. This has been going on for thirty years, but it’s finally caught up with us-and those of you who have vacationed in the United States know exactly what I’m referring to.

It’s strange how even a poor man in America can own two vehicles. However, it would actually cost me more to rent a car than to keep the workhorse I’ve owned for 13 years, as of tonight.

I would have to fork over $200 deposit per week if I rented a car. However, I save money by keeping that Plymouth around-and besides, I love that car.

I bought my 2000 Plymouth Breeze the afternoon before my Auntie Katie died. I called my uncle to tell him that I had bought a Plymouth to replace the Saturn that I totally totaled.

I bought the Plymouth thirteen years ago tonight. Not only was buying that car one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but so was ignoring my first wife, who told me to get rid of my Plymouth whenever I bought a new daily driver.

History aside, I knew that I would be right about this.

Posted on

Lemmy Would Give Someone in the Marketing Department the Iron Fist For What They Did To The Ace of Spades

Article

$0.50

I saw something which just about made me vomit upon watching the New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys game on NBC

I KNOW THAT THE LATE LEMMY KILMISTER WOULD NOT HAVE APPROVED OF THE USE OF HIS WORK TO SELL A CAR-AND A CRAPPY CAR, AT THAT!

Ace of Spades?  Kia?  ARE YOU PUTTING ME ON?!

Ace of Spades was the title track from Motorhead’s 1980 album.  It was loaded with classics like Shoot You in the BackJailbait, and (We Are) The Roadcrew, so do these tunes match up with a Kia?

More like Chevy SS, Ford Mustang, or Dodge Challenger.

Seriously!  Who works in these marketing departments?

My degree is in psychology, but I could tell you that an idiot put that tune in the commercial.  Furthermore, I met Lemmy Kilmister, and I could tell you that he would not approve of this, as Lemmy was about as anti-establishment as one could get-and he wasn’t joking about his lifestyle, either.

That’s who he was.

 

 

Posted on

Me and Lita Ford in My Plymouth-At 94 mph

Video clip

Remember that ignorance is a hell of a lot more expensive than this article you just read.

$0.15

My 2000 Plymouth Breeze at 94 mph.

Posted on

Drag Race Highlight I-JET CARS!

Video clip

Remember that ignorance is a hell of a lot more expensive than this article you just read.

$0.15

Bandimere Speedway

 

 

 

Posted on

Bittersweet Day, Sorry To Say….But My Old Baby Plymouth’s Not Going Away

IMG_0128img_0733

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After fourteen years of grueling driving, rush hour traffic, snow, 120 degree heat, second jobs, my autistic buddy, Tommy, girlfriends, and a marriage, my 2000 Plymouth Breeze has been retired from full and active duty.

To those who say American cars suck, I reply: “Blow me.  This Plymouth has been the best car I have ever owned.”

In the fourteen years which I have owned it, I have had very few problems with her.  She started right up, did her job every day, every night, and every weekend.

Whether I went to a sign flipping job in the San Fernando Valley on the weekends, worked night shift in Colorado, going to Hermosa Beach, California to watch my buddies play at the legendary Lighthouse, participating in anti-war marches, political rallies, four presidential campaigns, several heavy metal concerts (Kiss in 2003, 2012, and 2014, Def Leppard, Ozzfest-2005, Gigantour, 2007, Volbeat, Guns N’ Roses, 2017, moving to Colorado from L.A.-twice-and doing stupid things that guys do with cars, my 2000 Plymouth Breeze has seen it all and done it all-and I thank her for it all.

I bought her at Galpin Ford in the San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles after having overcorrected and totally totalled my 1999 Saturn SL-2.

I was so pissed off that I hadn’t been killed in that wreck on California 118-East in Simi Valley because, “But officer, if I were dead and in Hell, this would be someone else’s problem.  But now, I gotta pay for all of this!”

I went to Galpin Ford on Roscoe Boulevard in the San Fernando Valley to buy a new vehicle, and I had thought about getting another Saturn because I had had very good luck with the one I had-up to that point in time anyway.  The only problem was that the only Saturn in my price range had 95,000 miles on it.

I remember standing there, trying to figure out what to do when I saw this greenish, golden car shine at me; almost as if it were smiling at me, flirting with me.  I remember then walking toward it.  I was thrilled when I saw the name on the door: PLYMOUTH, as Chrysler Corporation had just ended the brand and I wanted to own a piece of automotive history.  The only problem was that she was a little out of my price range:$7600.  That blue Saturn was just over $5000.

I didn’t care because I figured I might never have another shot at a Plymouth of which my uncle owned several in his garage in Granada Hills, California.

I bought the car and being with it was like a living in a marriage.  My Plymouth outlasted my human marriage more than four times over.

I woke up, drove it to work every morning, spent all day with it, drove it home, went to my second job with it on the weekends, and went to gigs in Hermosa Beach.  Like you read prior, she went with me to political campaigns every two years.

It was the same situation with buying this Chrysler 200, as I was going to buy a Dodge Dart. This is the last year Chrysler Corporation is going to make the vehicle because, according to salesmen at Broadway Dodge in Denver, Colorado the Chevrolet Sonic outsells it by far.

I’m sorry, but I see way more Dodge Darts than I do Chevy Sonics.  However, I was informed by the salesman that the Chrysler 200 is basically the same car as the Dodge Dart-both are being discontinued.IMG_0044IMG_0474img_0450

Some girl used to own this Plymouth Breeze before I did, and I knew that because there was an impression of some kind of big kitty sticker on it.  I just covered it with a John Kerry sticker.

This Plymouth Breeze is fast, too.

I’ll never forget the time I had to rush home to vomit.

I had passed the Reseda Blvd. offramp on California 118-East when the sweat machine turned on-and then my stomach began to go.

I had absolutely no choice.  I had to punch it.

I floored it, and the speedometer was at 115 mph the last time that I looked at it.  I had 10 miles to cover and not much time in which to pull it off-and I barely made it to the toilet.

I was 35-years-old when that happened, 12 years ago.

Concerts, rallies, demonstrations, political campaigns, a marriage, brutal work environments which ranged from -25 degrees Fahrenheit in Denver, Colorado to 135 degrees Fahrenheit in Santa Clarita, California, my 2000 Plymouth Breeze has seen it all, and she has now earned her retirement.

She will be transformed into a classic show car.

Don’t tell me that American cars are inferior, because I just proved to you that they aren’t.

As for my new Chrysler 200, I expect the same dependability for her-maybe even the same length of service.

It’s my favorite color, but I still have to figure out how all these gadgets work.  I mean, I’ve never had a car that didn’t have a key with which to start it.  I don’t feel entirely comfortable with using a video camera to back up, and I want to make sure that the damn thing is going to turn off so that I don’t drain the battery!

I might as well be Rip Van Winkle because I didn’t realize just how much cars have changed!

Thanks for all the hard work, Breezy, you were a trooper and I promise to get you fixed up to your former glory.  You deserve the rest after all you did for me through the years.  You never let me down once.  Thank you.

200, let’s go kick some ass.