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Something Is Wrong With The Boys

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I was at one of the Valero gas stations in Littleton, Colorado Thursday where I gassed my 2015 Dodge Dart.  |After paying inside for fuel (cash), I noticed a young man with a Toyota Camry-which  is a formidable vehicle in its own right.

“How fast can that thing go?” I asked him.

“I don’t know,” he answered.

“The fuck you mean you don’t know?  Don’t you ever floor that car?”

“I’ll get a ticket.”

“Yeah?  And?  How old are you, kid?”

“Nineteen.”

“Oh, my fucking God!  You’re supposed to get speeding tickets at nineteen!  I got ’em all the time in L.A. when I was your age (1989)!  Why do you think the car insurance is so high for those under 25?!”

Is this what our young men have become-afraid to go .5 past light speed?

Shouldn’t we let boys be boys and let them hit the pavement a few times before they finally realize that getting a speeding ticket is too expensive?  While it might be true that he may already know that, what caught my attention most was his tone of voice, because he sounded like a little lamb that was on its way to a slaughterhouse.

“Well, next time, I do it-just for you,” he promised.

“Doubt it,”  I countered.

I drove a 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix when I was 19.  Even the young guys who souped up their Hondas fifteen years ago weren’t afraid to go past the century mark, but I don’t know about this generation.  It seems as though their wings have been clipped-and that’s sad.

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Smaller Engine, But Costs A Lot More

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I’m currently in the school study as I write this because I find it peculiar that the black Cadillac ATS that I passed en route to the double glass doors has only a 2.0 liter engine, yet costs $38,000 (source: https://www.cadillac.com/current-offers?ppc=GOOGLE_700000001298731_71700000037680915_58700004170073146_p34452611021&gclid=CjwKCAjw8O7bBRB0EiwAfbrTh2APdKyvDPWbT110q_Wp72ecdFkuDuGNZrM7AcmP6wv5kV-qGAT5gxoCc6AQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#?ppc=GOOGLE_700000001298731_71700000037680915_58700004170073146_p34452611021&gclid=CjwKCAjw8O7bBRB0EiwAfbrTh2APdKyvDPWbT110q_Wp72ecdFkuDuGNZrM7AcmP6wv5kV-qGAT5gxoCc6AQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&filterby=all&postalcode=85001&)

2018 Cadillac ATS

Yet, my 2015 Dodge Dart, with a 2.4 liter engine?

2015 Dodge Dart

My Dodge would kick that Cadillac’s ass at Bandimere Speedway in Morrison, CO.  http://www.bandimere.com/

Don’t tell me I come across as Al Bundy.  I played in a heavy metal band in high school.  I wasn’t on the football team at Sylmar High School in Los Angeles, California-although the head coach said that I had the speed to be a tight end and offered me to try out.

I didn’t want to cut my hair, which is was what high school football players were expected to do in the late 1980s.

It’s all in the name, kids.  You’re paying over $17,000 more for a luxury car with a smaller engine because of the name.  That’s okay, because it’s the same thing when you get the same car from a different line of the same family.  Plymouths cost more than Dodges back in the 1930s because Plymouths were luxurious, whereas Dodge was your standard car for the working man.

Al Bundy comes to mind.

I know this because I had an uncle who collected both brands, as well as Chrysler, Roosevelt, DeSoto, and Hupmobile.

I shit you not!  The man had a 1922 Hup with wooden hubcaps!

It’s all in the name.

If you go see Kiss, you know that the Bob Uecker seats are going to pinch your wallet.  If you are going to see the Rolling Stones, you know that you will have no wallet by the end of the night.  Why?  Because you pay for quality and longevity.

I know that I drive a Dodge with a bigger engine than of the Cadillac’s.  Both cars are equally matched in quality, but it’s the name that takes you to another universe.

 

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Allstate Motorcycles…Sold by SEARS???

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This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

This columnist knew that Sears Roebuck once sold scooters, because he remembers seeing them in old catalogues (while looking for the girls in there), but did you know that they also sold motorcycles, as well as cars?

The company used two brands from the information he gathered, Allstate and Pusche, an Austrian manufacturer.

This red bike is from 1913, and Sears actually sold motorcycles into the early Seventies.

Does anyone have one of these can, and can tell us what their performance was like?  Now, granted, Allstates were no Harleys, Indians, or Hondas, but they must have been up to some kind of task to keep the customers returning for the length of time that they did.

Just think back to the 1950’s.

If the ad campaign stated that one met the nicest people on a Honda and if bad boys rode Harleys, what about the boy who rode a Sears Allstate to his date?  Could he even score with an Allstate to begin with?  Girls in those days usually went for boys who either rode Harleys, Triumphs, Indians, or BSA’s.

When one stops and looks at them, the Allstate bike looked nothing out of the ordinary; just another motorcycle, but could a Sabre do the job and win a girl?  Look at how small the engines were, and I think you’ll get the answer to that question.

It’s just interesting to know what this retailer used to sell during the course of its existence.  Who knows, Sears may have sold cocaine in the candy aisle back then.  You could get cocaine candy once upon a time for a nickel, so I wouldn’t rule it out.

Hey, cocaine candy and an Allstate motorcycle!  That’s a good idea!

Better yet, LET’S BUY THE FUCKING SEDAN!

I had so much fun fucking with employees in the automotive department because I pretended to look for a part for this car-and I would cause the biggest scene….like yelling and throwing tantrums.  I’d scream for their bosses!

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Happy Anniversary To My Plymouth, And Hurry Up With My Chrysler!

It’s kind of hard to know what to do when your Internet connection is thrashed. However, I believe in trying to produce anything-even if it’s not perfect.

I actually recorded two pieces, but I wanted to save that for someone special, so I had to record again.

I haven’t felt well in the past few days, as I’m frustrated as hell with everything which isn’t happening.

First is the crap with my car-which all started on September 3. I was informed by GEICO that it was going to be reassessed by a new adjuster.

I have been without my new Chrysler for five weeks, so it’s a good thing that I still have my Plymouth Breeze as a back up.

For those of you who live in civilized countries, America sucks now because no one knows what anyone is doing. Worse yet, no one cares. This has been going on for thirty years, but it’s finally caught up with us-and those of you who have vacationed in the United States know exactly what I’m referring to.

It’s strange how even a poor man in America can own two vehicles. However, it would actually cost me more to rent a car than to keep the workhorse I’ve owned for 13 years, as of tonight.

I would have to fork over $200 deposit per week if I rented a car. However, I save money by keeping that Plymouth around-and besides, I love that car.

I bought my 2000 Plymouth Breeze the afternoon before my Auntie Katie died. I called my uncle to tell him that I had bought a Plymouth to replace the Saturn that I totally totaled.

I bought the Plymouth thirteen years ago tonight. Not only was buying that car one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but so was ignoring my first wife, who told me to get rid of my Plymouth whenever I bought a new daily driver.

History aside, I knew that I would be right about this.

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Lemmy Would Give Someone in the Marketing Department the Iron Fist For What They Did To The Ace of Spades

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I saw something which just about made me vomit upon watching the New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys game on NBC

I KNOW THAT THE LATE LEMMY KILMISTER WOULD NOT HAVE APPROVED OF THE USE OF HIS WORK TO SELL A CAR-AND A CRAPPY CAR, AT THAT!

Ace of Spades?  Kia?  ARE YOU PUTTING ME ON?!

Ace of Spades was the title track from Motorhead’s 1980 album.  It was loaded with classics like Shoot You in the BackJailbait, and (We Are) The Roadcrew, so do these tunes match up with a Kia?

More like Chevy SS, Ford Mustang, or Dodge Challenger.

Seriously!  Who works in these marketing departments?

My degree is in psychology, but I could tell you that an idiot put that tune in the commercial.  Furthermore, I met Lemmy Kilmister, and I could tell you that he would not approve of this, as Lemmy was about as anti-establishment as one could get-and he wasn’t joking about his lifestyle, either.

That’s who he was.

 

 

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Me and Lita Ford in My Plymouth-At 94 mph

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Remember that ignorance is a hell of a lot more expensive than this article you just read.

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My 2000 Plymouth Breeze at 94 mph.

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Drag Race Highlight I-JET CARS!

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Remember that ignorance is a hell of a lot more expensive than this article you just read.

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Bandimere Speedway

 

 

 

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My 2000 Plymouth Breeze at over 188,000 miles

Don’t even try to tell me how “bad” American cars supposedly are, because that’s bullshit. This is my 2000 Plymouth Breeze at triple digits.